Today has been good.

I made a basic breakfast for my Bear. I left the sausages in the over a little too long, but it was okay.

After that I plodded on the internet and put the top 200 books from the BBC Big Read 2003 (the only complete year I could find on the internet) into an Excel file. I did a little data manipulation and found the books where an author had more than one book on the list, and re-numbered the list so that only the first book by each author counted. Interestingly out of 200 books there were 60 that were the second, third or fourth book by a single author. My plan is to try and get through as many of the unique books as possible between the end of this course (April/May ish) and when I'm supposed to start the next one. I don't really see the point in reading multiple books by the same author, they may be good but I want to do this to expand my reading list. I also will not be re-reading books I've already read.

Around 2 Bear and I took the long pretty way into town. We walked down the river to Tesco and then doubled back along the canal. It was a really nice walk. The weather was just right, sunny but not hot, and everything was blooming with spring. I like spending time in the sun with my Bear, it's peaceful and happy.

We wandered into Homebase and I finally bought his birthday present. He's got a funky tool box with wheels and compartments. It's what he wanted, so that's all good. Some people like to be surprised when they get presents, but Owen's the sort of person who only wants a few things, so he prefers to get something he wants than a big frivolous thing. He likes small surprises, but when it comes to birthday presents it's better for him to just tell me what he wants. (And in turn I try to give him a huge list of things that I want so that he can pick one and I'll sort of get a surprise)

To finish off the walk we went to Copa for a starter, a cold drink and a sit down. They do very good starters. After that a quick trip to Hotel Chocolate and a purchase of two seed packets for the allotment finished the day off.

Bear has a man night in Oxford tonight, so I'm relishing having the house to myself. I've finished watching Junjo Romantica on YouTube and I'm going to try to catch up with my Uni work. But first a quick trip to Tesco and the purchase of tomato, basil, red onion and mozzarella will provide me with a yummy salad for dinner *nom nom nom*

My Grandma died today. It was not expected. Although she was in hospital, we were expecting her to come out again. She was not in hospital for anything serious, but while she was there she had a heart attack. It happened in front of a nurse, the doctors got to her in three minutes, at which point she had already stopped breathing and after half an hour they declared it.

She could be horrid, but I loved her.

A month ago today her sister-in-law died. This is worse, for me, but why did it have to be the 2nd again?

The party last night was amazing. Everyone looked fabulous and got along. There was dancing and chocolate fountain. Of particular note are Clara, Jonas, Martin, Han, Tom and Dave who got roped into setting up the hall by turning up early (or perhaps by Owen and I getting everything ready late). Maddy was a star for fruit preparation and Rikk held back my hair at the end of the night when I had my head in a bucket.

Han made me the most wonderful card, it nearly made me cry because it's so sweet and thoughtful. Han rocks.

Also, credit where it's due, Owen was fucking amazing. Not only organising everything, but also staying sober, driving everything around and helping people to get home.

With all these great people in my life I'm the luckiest me there has ever been.



Epic parties have a price though - this morning I have mostly been struggling to keep down liquids and the quarter slice of bread I attempted earlier was a big mistake!

It's over! My exam is over! I have no studying to do until at least February. I am a free agent.

I think I did okay. I'm going to take apart my answers later on, once the paper is available online. Apparently New Zealand take the same exam later on today, so no disclosing of exam questions.

Rah! Freedom!!!!

Oh, also, on the way to the exam a random pulled up in a car to tell me I'm "absolutely gorgeous" and that if he hadn't seen the ring on my finger he would have asked me out. Thankfully I kept my distance from the car and just took it as the compliment that I'm sure the guy meant it to be. I'm not entirely sure why random's occassionally do things like that, but at least this one wasn't creepy.

I think that it can seem like either at any given time. I don't think that labelling it as one of the other truly justifies the complexities of romantic love.

Taking my marriage as an example... I don't think that there is a better match for me than Owen. He has an over abundance of patience, which is essential for living with me. He has the ability to say "No" and make my sensible side win over my usually dominant Id. We share the same interests, have similar tastes in food, similar goals in life and find many of the same things funny. He is the right size for cuddles and the correct amount of strong. He is not overly jealous, which matches my flirtatiousness and he is not a flirt, which calms my jealous side.

He ticks all of my boxes for "important aspects for significant other" and the majority of "desired aspects", and in that respect is my choice. Yet when I really think about it, the statistical improbability of actually finding someone who can achieve all of that bewilders me somewhat. Mostly because I'm constantly surprised that there is even one person in the world who is able to put up with how high maintenance I am, but also because now that all of the hormones have worn off I still want to be with him. I was beginning to wonder if I would find someone that I would enjoy being with for my whole life, now it looks like a possibility.* But have I found him because I was picky and because we worked hard to set out ground rules in the relationship that we both can live with?

It could go either way.

Never, ever, say anything is certain when it comes to a relationship - people and circumstances always change.

Don't believe everything your mother tells you, especially don't listen to what she says about Dad; remember she is fallible and prejudiced, just like everyone else.

Make more of an effort to spend time with your friends. Go to their houses, smile with them, ring them to chat, don't let arguements get in your way. But remember that they're kids too, all those issues, problems, worries and all the sad is far too much for them - maybe tell a teacher all that.

Don't emotionally smother your brother. And try to rephrase "stop breathing!" to "can you breath more quietly?".

Pay attention to your the rhythm of your body as you get older. That one week a month when you claim you "need a boyfriend" is about a week before your period and when you really need to clean your face - you get spots just before you start.

Watch your weight, in a few years time, probably around 13 or 14, you'll be the perfect weight for your body - when you get there exercise more and don't over eat to make sure that you stay there, or it'll just keep going up.

Treat boys as human beings, especially the ones you fancy. Do not oggle them from afar, it's creepy and they won't listen when you send your friends to ask them out for you. Also, talking to them lets you know if you like thier personality rather than just their face/shoulders.

Science is not as fun as it seems - it's mostly maths.

So, I'm updating all of my passwords... I only wonder how good an idea that is when I let my browser remember them all for me.

Seperately, I'm failing to start on my essay (due Thursday), I really want to roleplay a new character I've thought up, I've been doing a lot of knitting these past few days, I'm recovering from that horrible cold quite well and I had a fun yesterday with friends.

For the record, yesterday with friends was a lovely visit to Hannah and Tom's, just chilling out and spending time with them. I haven't been spending enough time with the friends I've know for a while, so it was really good to just hang out with them.

Also, new character is a tiny young looking type who is a great fighter, accompanied by a mountain of a man, a bit like this duo from Bleach - although I can't for the life of me remember what their names are. I'd like to play her as a Dragon Blooded, in which case she would play up her cuteness to her own advantage. Similarly, I'd like to play her in a simpler format where she truely is what she seems... probably in BESM or something.

We have no internet!

Actually, that's not entirely true... we now have wireless broadband on pay-as-you-go, which only seems to work from Owen's PC while we wait for our lovely router, but needless to say, I'm probably not reading anything on here for a while!

Also, I have to write an essay tonight. 1,500 words of poo on a poem I don't really understand and think is shite-head-up-the-arse-naval-gazing from Wordsworth and some other poem that's also about the great stink. I would have started writing it sooner, but I was exhausted yesterday and went to bed at 9 (should have been 8, but I failed) and I completely failed on Monday, the only day of my bank holiday that I had some time to do things other than have fun. So I have around 1,000 words still to write and I also need to be up at 5:30 to make it into work tomorrow.

And I'm on here because...? See the comment about what I really think of the poem!

It's Owen's 30th birthday and I think he's had a good day, that's the most important thing. We had a meal at Bill's and generally ate too much, saw lots of lovely friends and had a good time. Our week off begins tomorrow.

Meme:

People who have been tagged must write the answers on their blog and replace any question they dislike with a new, original question. Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you.


1. How many clowns would it take to freak you out?
That really depends on the clowns and their actions. I'm not the sort of person that is bothered by clowns

2. What is your favorite card game?
Dominion - although I'm terrible at it.

3. Tea or coffee?
Tea, but not black tea, because that's horrid.

4. Five things you can touch right now without getting up.
Bear hand puppet, plush companion cube, curtains, my nose, my make-up bag.

5. You have to be somewhere on the fourth floor of a building. Do you take the lift/elevator?
Er, depends on what mood I'm in, but right now it would be the lift.

6. How do you feel about your reflection?
Disappointed? Glad it's not near me right now?

7. What did you last eat?
Mezze Board, garlic and thyme chicken on mash, chocolate brownie, bits of other people's deserts and a tiny bit of chocolate cake - bithday meals are fun.

8. What noise, if any, does your phone make when it rings?
A buzz that varies depending on what surface it's vibrating on ;-)

9. Dog person or cat person?
Dog person. I love cats, but I prefer dogs.

10. What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?
Probably some random comment Owen made, he's good at making me laugh.

11. What was the last thing that you bought?
Two pints of pale ale, a pint of some strong beer I don't remember the name of and a vodka, lime, lemon and soda from Zero Degrees.

12. If you could afford to go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Canada, America, the Carribean, South America, New Zealand, Australia, Japan, Vietnam, Thailand, China, Russia, Turkey, Greece, Italy, Spain, France, Switzerland, Germany, all the Scandinavian countries, Scotland, Ireland and then home. Probably in that order. I'd need a lot of money to do it.

The question didn't state I had to pick one place, so I decided that I'd do a world tour!

13. Where do you see yourself in five years?
Right now I can only manage the basics on that question. Married to Owen, in a house that we own. Career, children, location etc are exceedingly hazey.

14. Last book you read?
Fathers and Sons by Turgenev, as part of my OU course.

15. What are you doing this weekend?
Hanging out with my cousin and his lovely girlfriend.

16. What's your dream job?
Author of fiction.

17. Famous person you'd most like to have dinner with?
Neil Gaiman.

I'm going to go for people I know still use LJ a little - aardneby, aelfric, borusa, crocodilewings, gloomsan, oneshallstand, purpleheather, tiamatsu.

Disconnected.

I'm feeling very disconnected right now.

Like the rest of the world is slightly out of sync with me, or I guess, like am not in sync with it.

I can view it and interact with it. But what I mean to be a kiss bruises.

And we stare at each other, not comprehending.